Exhausted

I am always amazed at the grace that God gives us. We are two months into a six month deployment and the testing continues. I truly feel exhausted emotionally and mentally. I know I would not have made it this far without His grace or love. We are all missing Matt right now. Work is not the greatest. Both kids are testing me to see how far they can get. Both kids miss their daddy and are acting out for any attention. The tests just seem to be unending at this point in time.

I am so thankful that God has sent my mother-in-law here to be with me. The help, support, companionship, and love she has provided has definitely carried us through the past couple of weeks. I can't forget two other people either. Aunt Marilyn is currently here and has been fabulous! The attention the kids have been getting is incredible. Grandpa was here a couple of weeks and the amount of stuff he accomplished cannot even be contained in this one post. So thank you all! I am also thankful for the visitors yet to come.

One of the many tests that has happened was taking away Eleanor's pacifier. I had not planned on taking it away, but the tooth incident prompted it. Well it has been hit or miss with her sleeping well at night and even for nap. She is definitely missing her daddy, trying to assert her independence, and wanting so much to be loved. I was not prepared to listen to her cry herself to sleep the past two weeks. It was making me physically ill to my stomach. Tonight, I couldn't take it anymore. The pacifier is back. I realized (with the help of Grandma and Aunt Marilyn) that she and I both need it right now. The pacifier is back and the house is quiet. What a nice change for once. My head and my stomach both feel better. We will try again when I have more emotional strength. Probably when daddy gets home.

The other test comes from Stephen. He is one test after another. I keep thinking the final exam has come, but so far doesn't seem I have passed. Something tells me that there is no final exam with kids! He is either hot or cold. He can't seem to find a happy medium right now. The day can be going great, then next thing you know it is not great. The constant emotional shifts are exhausting me. I got him a little prize today to work towards. He told me tonight that in the morning I need to have a plan for how he can earn his new prize. So the reward system is in full force at our house!

I know I am being tested to build strength. I also know I am not alone which helps me daily. All of these experiences are strengthening all of us. Matt is having an equally hard time being away. Thankfully I know that Lord will continue to help us through these times allowing us to persevere and come out stronger.